Cape Town the City of My Dreams and Disappointments

I moved to Cape Town just under a year ago (it would be a year on March 3 2020) with 7 bags, 3 boxes and a heart full of dreams. I left Johannesburg because I was starting to feel claustrophobic.

I know, right?

How could one feel like that in such a city; everyone thinks of Johannesburg as this metropolis - a bustling city of life, filled with gold and all that glitters. I, however, remember what Shakespeare wrote in 'The Merchant of Venice', "all that glisters (glitters) is not gold".

Maybe it was the tall buildings in Sandton and all that concrete around me, with little to no nature, I just felt like I couldn't breathe in Joburg anymore. Unless you were snooty and lived in Bryanston and I was close enough to Bryanston so call me half-snooty, but still. I needed a change of environment, a place that would speak to my soul; Cape Town was exactly that. It had the mountain, the nature reserves, the gardens and ocean that my soul yearned for.

O' Lion's Head - the only hike I ever did (and never will do again)

Plus, I was starting a job with a new company which offered me exposure to different markets, sectors and clients. I loved it. I threw myself wholly and fully into my new job and found myself fast drowning in corporate and not really getting to what had brought me here, the nature and honestly, honestly, my healing process.

I lived in one of the best cities in the world, enveloped by one of the natural wonders of the world - a beautiful creation but somehow it was the darkness that enveloped me. Cape Town was lonely, all I had was work and the small circle that would let me in. My work became everything and with that my healing took a back seat. It fast became nightmarish and I was drowning; having panic attacks in the middle of the night. Hectic! Like where was this Cape Town of my dreams? I realised, though, that I moved hoping my demons would stay but they didnt, I had packed them in the 7 bags and 3 boxes I couriered here. Regardless of the luggage, unless I faced my demons not even Cape Town could aid my healing. I didn't let it and it couldn't.

Home is where the healing begins and hopefully this move allows me that; a chance to move on and let go.

So, here I sit at the Slow Lounge at the Cape Town International Airport with a one way ticket to Durban, listening to the frenchman next to me talking on the phone *swoon* and blogging. Gin in hand and thinking back to the year that has gone and the year that is. The place I am leaving behind and the one I am heading towards.

I love Cape Town (I always will). It is the one place that I will openly say allowed me to be myself with no jugdement - The Eclectic Panda could be! Also, the only place I will ever settle in, in South Africa (hint hint Mr Knight in Shining Armour). So, my leaving is bittersweet; I love this place, but it's not the place I needed to heal. I now understand that my healing process is not linear, and not dependent on a geographical location, however, there is something to be said (for me) about going back home and giving myself a chance to heal, face the demons and win this battle so I can eventually move back to Cape Town or go back abroad again. If you know me, you know I am a child of the world.

O' how I will miss the boutique stores, quirky coffee spots and cool niches that can be only found in Cape Town. I have travelled to a number of cities (not enough to brag about) and must say that Cape Town is one of my favourites, honestly, in the top 3 with London and Hong Kong. So, I sit here drinking my gin, watching the planes depart and arrive as I wait for mine, with a sore heart; but a heart that knows that it needs this.

As a British Airways aircraft is taking off, I find myself reminiscing about London. I am reminded that I have been fortunate enough to have lived in and visited great cities.

My Cape Town stay was short, I wish I could stay longer but I have to leave, even if for a while. If I don't, whether it be Hanoi, Tokyo, Havana, Seoul or Amsterdam; my heart will still ache, my demons will torment me and I would be doing myself a disservice; not giving myself a chance to heal. Which is actually a chance to live, to live my life wholeheartedly.

So, adieu Cape Town! I will see you soon, you city of my South African dream. The disappointments were of my own doing, not yours. I will always love you!

O' my gosh! The vineyards...I can't, I just can't leave! For the love of bubbly......

Views from my drive home from work every day - how can I not love this city?

Peacing out - smooches! What a beaut! I'm talking about the mountain (and self hehe)

I heart Hout Bay